Thursday, September 13, 2018

Why I'm not fishing off a yacht near Corfu...

Last week's solitary confinement made me question a lot of things...

In a life as non-linear as this image it is not easy to spot the exact time your life went into a spiral, took a hard left turn, hit a wall....or found itself in a field of wildflowers in respite...

A simple question for someone as narcissistic as myself is "How the hell did I get HERE?  Why am I not fishing off a yacht near Corfu??"  The answer is far more complex.

Anyone who walks off the stage of the Schubert Theater, gets on the IRT to Whitehall St., enlists in the USAF---this is 1964, folks---without even telling his stage manager...anyone who turned down the offer to have medical school paid in full if he agreed to go into practice with his benefactors (in Pittsburgh, unfortunately) but turned it down because his mom burst into tears of grief over his lost theatrical career (thank you, Madame Rose)...anyone who has found ways and means to screw the pooch with a career marked by artistic success and utter financial failure...this is not the guy you go to for easy answers.

But I keep asking, hoping the voices of better angels will sing an answering chorale...

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

On Solitude and Introspection:

9/12/20

A little of both goes a long way...

Some of us, at least consciously, glide through life with little self-doubt and virtually no self-deprecation...then there are those of us who, without distractions to disengage us from the voyage, are in a perpetual state of "if only I had done"...

Among those diseased with inferiority complex, there are two common subsets--the Trumps..the braggadocious blowhards who think their own voice can drown out the demons...and the furiously-softspoken who have come to accept...even desire...the self-consumptive feasting on one's ego...

I have been without my wife for a week now...without her 24/7 presence in my home if not my heart...I have come to realize how much I rely on her to intercede with "Rick The Prick"--the doppleganger who keeps appearing to chastise me for past failures and past successes--and spare me from the tiring dialogue.

She returns tonight.  I really must straighten up the house and kick Rick to the curb...